Finding the Truth
by Totoromo
Summary: Shuuhei has loved Renji for a very long time, but Renji has always wanted Rukia, despite occasionally being with Shuuhei. When Renji finds the truth, will it change their relationship? ShuuheixRenji. Yaoi. M for sex and language.
1. Friends who Love Each Other

**Title: **Finding the Truth

**Fandom: **Bleach

**Rating: **M. Yaoi, lemon, kinky sex

**Description: **Shuuhei has loved Renji for a very long time, but Renji has always wanted Rukia, despite occasionally being with Shuuhei. What happens when Renji finally figures it out?

**Disclaimer: **Bleach is created and owned by Tite Kubo, I merely pay homage to characters and a story I love.

_A/N: This will probably be about 3 or 4 chapters. It starts during the end of Manga number __-17. "Prelude for the Straying Stars" when Renji, Kira, and Momo are students at the academy._

**Friends who Love Each Other**

* * *

Renji ripped off the sleeve of his academy uniform. "This is probably going to hurt," he said, pressing it into the gaping wounds on the side of Shuuhei's face to stem the bleeding. The older student hissed slightly.

"Shouldn't you be paying attention to the fight?" Shuuhei asked. Even though Captain Aizen and Lieutenant Ichimaru had come, the air was still swarming with hollows.

"Are you kidding? Captains and lieutenants are hardly even like people like you and me. Did you feel their spiritual pressure? They can definitely handle it," Renji assured.

However, he did look over at Kira and Momo to make sure that they were alright. Kira had freaked out a little when it looked like they were all going to die, though Renji supposed that had been fairly reasonable. He would have never imagined that Momo would have such a cool head and be so brave though. It had been almost stupid charging in like that, but it was definitely a quality that Renji admired.

Renji turned back to the man he was caring for. "Hisagi, I have no idea how close to those two you were, but I'm a person who has lost people very close to me in the past. If you ever need someone to talk to or just to hang out with, I'll be there." He knew was being bold since he didn't know the man at all, but it's not like he usually cared about that stuff anyways and he figured that almost being killed together was probably an extenuating circumstance. "Oh, my name is Renji Abarai," he remembered to introduce himself.

"I'm Shuuhei," Shuuhei said, wincing again as Renji removed the hastily made bandage and ripped off his other sleeve to compress the still seeping wound. "Do you see the tattoo on my face?"

"Well, I'm not blind," Renji said.

"I grew up in district 69, so it's not like seeing death is all that uncommon to me either," Shuuhei explained.

"Really? I'm from Hanging Dog myself," Renji grinned at him. He looked over and saw several shinigami with packs over their backs running towards them. "Looks like Squad 4 is here, you should be in good hands now."

"Hey, Renji?" Shuuhei said.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

* * *

"You know," Renji said looking at Shuuhei's slightly flushed face, a dead giveaway to the fact that he had been drinking. "When I made that offer all those years ago, I didn't know that you were going to hold me to it forever."

Shuuhei stepped forward and Renji wrapped his arms around him, embracing him with a passionate kiss. "Mmm, you taste good," Renji said.

"Like sake," Shuuhei admitted.

"Good enough for me," Renji grinned, pulled Shuuhei inside.

The second that the door was closed Shuuhei launched himself at Renji, pressing himself into him forcefully, almost tripping Renji in the process. Renji was used to it though; he always liked Shuuhei's forceful neediness. He moaned as he felt Shuuhei's tongue in his mouth, and his expert hands already starting to remove his clothing. Renji walked backward slightly, towards the bedroom.

"I figured," Shuuhei said, panting, "that I hadn't really congratulated you on your promotion yet."

"Oh no, I very distinctly remember a very entertaining night after I passed my lieutenant's test," Renji corrected him.

"But now you're actually official," Shuuhei offered, sucking at Renji's neck and finally getting his hakama off.

"Well, it is true that I haven't really broken the place in," Renji said. He gasped as he felt Shuuhei's hand massage at his hard arousal.

Shuuhei stopped a moment to look around. "Oh yeah, I haven't seen it yet. Pretty nice," he looked again. "Hey, how come you have nicer furniture than I do? When did you get money all of a sudden?"

"Lieutenant Shirogane was nice enough to leave most of his stuff behind. He said that he didn't really have room for it anyways," Renji really didn't want to be talking about his rugs or whatever the hell it was that Shuuhei was talking about so he practically ripped off the rest of Shuuhei's clothes, getting the vocal reaction from Shuuhei that he was looking for.

"Renji!" Shuuhei called out.

That was when Renji decided that if Shuuhei came here all sexy and sultry then stopped to chat about decorations, he was obviously not being distracted enough, so he picked Shuuhei up in his arms and marched into the bedroom, tossing him onto the bed.

"Oh, yeah, I got this bed too," Renji said with a grin, licking at Shuuhei's nipple.

"Ahhh…don't talk _and_ do that if you want me to respond," Shuuhei said. Renji stopped for a minute while Shuuhei looked at the bed he had been thrown into. "Wow, what is this?"

"It's called a four post bed," Renji said.

"Well, at least it looks sturdy," Shuuhei smiled.

"It'll have to be, you're rough on beds."

"I'm rough on beds? I think you actually bit out part of my futon pad once. I had to keep it turned over until I could afford a new one," Shuuhei complained.

"Oops. How about I make it up to you?" said Renji.

"Now," demanded Shuuhei.

In response, Renji slid his body against Shuuhei's, their hard cocks grinding together to the pleasure of each of them.

* * *

"Renji?" asked Shuuhei, as they lay in bed next to each other. They wouldn't say that they were cuddling, because that sounded a little intimate for the two of them to do after "letting off a little steam" as they might say to their friends if they ever asked.

"Yeah?" Renji responded.

"What if you don't love her?"

"What?" Renji was surprised.

"I mean, what if after all of these years, you see Rukia and you don't love her anymore, or you never loved her, or she doesn't love you, or…"

"Shuuhei…" Renji said in a slightly hurt voice.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just being selfish," Shuuhei admitted. "I'm going to miss our times together." More than you'll ever know Renji, he thought to himself. I don't want this to be our last night together.

"Yeah, I will too," Renji said, snuggling a little closer to Shuuhei. "It's not like you don't have lots of hot ass walking by you all the time just waiting to distract you from any loneliness you might feel though," he joked.

"Haha, yeah," Shuuhei said hollowly.


	2. Finding Out

**Finding Out**

* * *

"Wow Renji, starting the night off strong," Rangiku commented as Renji downed some more sake.

"I've had a bad day," he moped.

"You just need to learn to be like me and let whatever your captain says just roll off of your back," Rangiku suggested.

"Well, you know there's been rumors about sending me to the world of the living, so I thought that I should talk to Rukia while I still had time," Renji said.

Rangiku silently mouthed the word "oh".

"I'm sorry, Renji," Kira said. "She shot you down?"

"No…well, yes. It was more than that though," Renji tried to explain. "I mean, I was sitting there about to tell her that I loved her and she just looked at me and I just absolutely knew that she didn't think of me as any more than a friend. I wound up just leaving and not saying anything. As I thought about it though, I realized that while I really missed her, and it's been nice having her around, she's more like my sister or someone. I do love her, but when I think about having a romantic evening with her, I realize that it seems wrong somehow."

Neither of his friends said anything for awhile.

"So…you're here why?" Rangiku finally said.

"What do you mean 'why'? To get drunk of course," Renji said.

"Don't you think that maybe you should talk to Shuuhei?" Kira suggested.

"Well yeah, I'm sure he'll find the whole thing pretty funny, considering he's been telling me for years that I don't love her but if he's not here I imagine he's someplace else having a good time," Renji said, taking another swig.

"Kira, please tell me all men aren't as clueless as Renji," Rangiku said.

"I hope I'm not," Kira answered honestly.

Renji just looked at them.

"On the one hand it's none of my business, which is why I've never said anything, but there are definitely times when friends are given leeway to be bossy and nosey and I'm taking full advantage of that now," Rangiku said. She paused. "Renji…Shuuhei loves you."

"What?" Renji said softly. How could he not know something like that? "How long?" he asked.

"Probably for about as long as I've known him," Kira answered.

So, from the very beginning, Renji thought. Shuuhei, why didn't you say something?

"Um, sorry to cut this night short guys but…" Renji didn't need to finish, his friends just waved him on as he got up and began to leave.

"Good luck!" called out Rangiku.

"I think he's hanging around his squad someplace!" offered Kira.

* * *

"You know, I have often played against your former captain, but I had no idea that you were interested in the game. I thought you just enjoyed watching," Head Captain Yamamoto said to Shuuhei over the shogi board.

"I do enjoy watching more, having some tea and trying to follow your moves are more entertaining than actually attempting to fend you off," Shuuhei admitted, looking at the game with slight consternation.

"I am surprised that you are not out with your friends on a weekend like this," Yamamoto said.

Renji had told Shuuhei about his plans to talk to Rukia, and he absolutely wasn't prepared to see a glowing new couple on top of all of the other emotional stress he'd been going through with the defection of his captain and having to temporarily take over his squad.

Yamamoto saw the thin lines of stress around Shuuhei's eyes and didn't inquire further. Out of the three squads now left without a captain, Squad 9 was the one that he felt would do the best. Lieutenant Izuru was a good lieutenant, but the combination of the defection of his captain as well as his own role in the confusion, in addition to attacking several friends of his, had made him unstable. Lieutenant Hinamori was completely out of commission, but he was in no rush to replace her even temporarily. He didn't want to the other Squad 5 members to realize that some of them were still under suspicion of collusion with the traitors. He'd rather them just think that they weren't getting many missions because of the inactive duty status of their superior.

Shuuhei suddenly tensed as he felt Renji's spiritual pressure nearby. What in the world was Renji doing, and why wasn't he controlling himself better? He knew that the old man across from him could feel Renji as well, but Yamamoto didn't look up, just continued to study their game. Shuuhei tried to ignore him as well, playing his next move easily, in what he hoped looked like a calm manner.

* * *

He has to know I'm out here, Renji thought. Is he avoiding me? The more Renji thought about it the more possible it seemed. Hadn't he just told Shuuhei earlier today that he was going to profess his love to Rukia? If Renji thought he'd had a bad day, then Shuuhei must have had a much worse one. Renji concentrated for a moment, surprised to find that Head Captain Yamamoto was nearby as well. Oh well, Renji thought. It's not like this matter concerns him anyways.

"Shuuhei!" Renji yelled as he stopped in the main courtyard of the Squad 9 barracks. He didn't hear a reply. "SHUUHEI!" he yelled even louder. If I'm annoying enough he'll have to come out and talk to me.

* * *

"It seems as though someone wants your attention," Yamamoto pointed out gently, hiding his amusement.

"It seems so," Shuuhei said coldly. Renji, you don't get to just come and bother me whenever the hell you want, he thought angrily. He made another move on the shogi board and sipped his tea.

* * *

"SHUUHEI, I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T KNOW!" Renji was roaring outside. Oh well, here goes nothing, he thought. "SHUUHEI, I LOVE YOU!"

* * *

Shuuhei's hand had paused for a moment, trembling, before setting down his piece. Renji…you don't mean that, Shuuhei thought. Why would you say something like that after so long? Why are you out there yelling at me in front of my whole squad and the head captain?

* * *

_Years ago, just after Shuuhei's injury_

Shuuhei had been pacing frantically. He was fine, why were they keeping him here? Sure his face was still messed up and there was the problem of his eye, but couldn't he just go to his quarters at the academy and then come in to Squad 4 whenever they wanted to check up on him? Why keep him cooped up here? They think, he thought to himself, they think I'm not emotionally stable. They think that I might be messed up more than just my face. Why won't they just believe me and let me sleep in my own bed away from all of the damn sterile…he was broken out of his thoughts by someone bursting in through the door.

"Hey," Renji said.

"Um, hi," Shuuhei answered. "How did you even get here?" he wondered.

"Oh, I lied and told them we were roommates at the academy and that you had given me some things from your quarters that you wanted here," Renji said easily.

"It seems like it shouldn't be that easy to sneak in," Shuuhei said. He looked at the man in front of him. "Thanks though, I'm going crazy in here."

"Yeah, you didn't really ask me to come, but I figured I'd be annoying and come anyways," Renji smiled. He was so full of energy and life and so antithetical to the Squad 4 environment of "peace and tranquility" that Shuuhei was starting to feel a little better already.

"So you're feeling the walls close in on you, huh?" Renji asked. Shuuhei nodded. "How far are you allowed to wander around?"

"Around Squad 4 at least, I assume," Shuuhei answered.

"Well then, show me around, I've only been to the academy. It's really exciting to be here with all of these shinigami," Renji admitted.

"Sure, let's go for a walk then and I can tell you about the different squads," Shuuhei said.

"The captains too, that's what I really want to know about," Renji said with a wide grin.

Renji came back every day for as long as they kept Shuuhei. Kira and Mom managed to visit once too, but it was Renji's visits that Shuuhei always looked forward too. In fact, he looked forward to them so much that when he was told that he was ready to be released he felt a moment of panic knowing that he wouldn't be seeing Renji again. It doesn't have to be that way though, Shuuhei told himself. I have a day. Between today and tomorrow surely I can convince him…convince him of what Shuuhei had no idea. He just knew that he felt himself change slightly in the presence of the large redhead, and it was always for the better. He felt himself to be more in control, and yet more relaxed, and always happier. Shuuhei sighed and then admitted to himself that he liked Renji more than he'd ever liked someone before. It wasn't unusual for him to like men, he liked both sexes. If it ever came down to a choice where he could only choose one, he'd choose men, especially a man like Renji.

Of course, did Renji like men sexually? He seemed pretty open with Shuuhei, but was that just his personality? No, he had to like Shuuhei, no one could give that smile and not feel something behind it. Now that Shuuhei had admitted to himself, he settled into a happy reverie about all the things he'd really like to do to Renji. He wondered to himself if Renji had any more tattoos hidden around his body other than just those on his face.

When Renji did come for the day, Shuuhei felt his presence immediately and stood next to his door, hidden from immediate view.

"Shuuhei?" Renji asked, looking in and seeing no one, but feeling his friend nearby.

Shuuhei grabbed the collar of Renji's academy uniform and pulled him inside, closing the door behind them. He wasted no time at all, using his body to pin Renji against the closed door, pulling his mouth down into a fiery kiss. Renji seemed shocked at first, but responded quickly to Shuuhei's passion. It was a whirlwind of hormones and clothes and Shuuhei almost couldn't keep up with what was happening. They fell onto Shuuhei's hospital bed, which groaned under their combined weight.

The next day, Shuuhei had wished that they had gotten a long chance to be together. They had heard footsteps coming up the hall and had to quickly dress. Then Shuuhei had to have some final tests done and when he had come back, Renji had already left so he wouldn't be late for class.

Two of the more attractive nurses, hearing that it was Shuuhei's last day, had come to wish him a happy homecoming. Shuuhei was used to that sort of attention, and talked with them easily, making them laugh with his stupid jokes as he killed time waiting for Renji to come. They definitely needed to talk after yesterday. Shuuhei almost wished he hadn't been so…needy…but the sex had been mind blowing and the feel of Renji moving against his skin was so amazing that he had had trouble sleeping all that night thinking about it.

"Shuuhei," Renji said from his doorway.

"Excuse me girls," Shuuhei said by way of a dismissal. They took their cue and left.

"Heh, I wish I could get girls like that," Renji said. "I've always heard you're quite the playboy, guess I can see why. If girls like that were always hanging on me, I'd probably never get enough studying done to graduate."

Shuuhei froze. Shit, this was not what was supposed to be happening. He looked into Renji's eyes. There wasn't hurt, just a look of…camaraderie. The look of warm friendship after yesterday was so below what he wanted to see in Renji's eyes that something clamped up inside of him. No matter what though, he needed Renji to still be around, even if he had to lie through his teeth to make him stay.

"Haha, yeah," Shuuhei said with a grin.

* * *

Shuuhei, I can explain, Renji was thinking, as he waited outside alone. Please at least let me try. Why didn't you tell me sooner, I wouldn't have hurt you so often talking about Rukia if I had known.

"SHUUHEI!" he yelled again.

* * *

"You're probably going to have to answer him," suggested Head Captain Yamamoto.

I had to wait fifty years, he can wait a couple of minutes, thought Shuuhei.


	3. Revelations

**Revelations**

* * *

When Shuuhei had gotten out of Squad 4 he was a little at a loss. He remembered being happy when he was able to get a single room in the dormitory, but now he just wanted someone to be around. He knew vaguely where Renji's room was, but he didn't know the exact number. Wandering around the corridors just waiting for him would probably seem clingy. Shuuhei tried to feel Renji's spiritual pressure but it was hard at the academy, the whole place had giant dead spots where seki-seki lined the walls, not to mention that some of the instructors were so high powered that they overshadowed most of the students. The next day he had a bit of luck though, seeing Kira and Momo in the mess hall when getting lunch.

He paused for a moment, but Kira saw him and waved and Momo looked up and smiled. Shuuhei made his way over to their table. He tried to ignore the murmuring of the students talking about him. Before, he had felt slightly proud of it, but now he wondered if they were talking about what had happened and if they were looking at his bright new scars.

"Hi, Shuuhei," Kira welcomed him.

"Hey guys," Shuuhei said. "I was wondering if Renji was around. I wanted to talk to him."

"Oh, he's out trying to get information about where the Kuchiki estate is. I don't know why he's trying, there's no way they're going to let him anywhere near it," Momo answered.

"Kuchiki estate? What does Renji want with Captain Kuchiki?" Shuuhei asked.

"It's not the captain he's interested in. Renji's best friend Rukia was recently adopted into the family and he's afraid he's never going to see her again," Kira replied.

Shuuhei didn't know what to say to that, he didn't even think that sort of thing could happen.

"Renji!" Momo called out, looking over his shoulder.

"Shuuhei, good to see you," Renji said, sitting down next to him, giving him a wan smile.

"Is something wrong?" Shuuhei asked, noting the strain.

"It's just that I…" Renji ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Sometimes I think that maybe you don't understand how much someone means to you until they are gone," his finished.

They finished up lunch, Shuuhei trying to remain engaged in conversation but frequently zoning out. He loves her, he thought to himself, over and over, thinking about the look in Renji's eyes when he talked about her. If he had felt lost the other day, today was infinitely worse. Shuuhei hadn't realized how much he cared for the redhead before. He should never have slept with him, because that had only cemented his attachment to Renji. It had allowed him to think, for a day at least, that they could be together. Shuuhei tried to lie to himself, saying that Renji was just a person who was there when he needed him; a warm body and warm heart when Shuuhei was battling a lot of issues. No one else could be his Renji to him though, and he knew that. He half-heartedly said good-bye to the group of friends and went to class.

The next day, he had lost himself in thought again. He ignored the swarming students walking around him, seemingly staring at the wall.

"You know, I'm pretty sure that you're going to be late for class," Renji said.

Shuuhei broke out of his chain of thought. "What?" he looked around at the now empty hall and then at Renji. Renji… "Look here kid, you might have class now but I don't. You should probably run along before your teacher gets mad and yells at you," Shuuhei responded.

"Eh, he yells at me all the time anyways," Renji smiled.

Then, completely shocking Shuuhei, Renji put his hands on his shoulders and pushed him. He continued pushing him until the two of them were in a supply closet. "Renji…" Shuuhei breathed. Renji locked the door behind him and then turned and practically launched himself at Shuuhei. "Fuck," Shuuhei moaned, feeling Renji pushed up against him, his hot mouth on his neck, his hands pulling at him.

They wound up having sex so loud that Shuuhei honestly wondered why they didn't get caught. He wondered if maybe they had been caught and whoever had discovered them had decided to just let them be. At that point he was fairly sure he might have attacked anyone who dared interrupt them anyways.

* * *

"You have always seemed like a fairly calm young man; clear thinking and generally mild mannered," Head Captain Yamamoto said to Shuuhei as they finished their shogi game.

Shuuhei looked at him, wondering what he was getting at.

"That young man out there though is none of those things," Yamamoto said.

Shuuhei could feel Renji begin to ramp up his spiritual pressure. What the hell does he think he's doing? He's going to disturb the whole squad! Shuuhei thought to himself.

"Excuse me, Head Captain Yamamoto," Shuuhei said, standing up. "I believe there is no chance I could win this game against you in any case."

He bowed and went out.

"Shuuhei!" Renji greeted him.

"Do you actually have your zanpakuto drawn?" Shuuhei said shocked. "What the hell are you planning on dong with that?"

"Uh, well," Renji looked sheepish, but he had already gone this far so he flash stepped behind Shuuhei and hit him on the head with his hilt, knocking him out. He lifted the unconscious Shuuhei onto his shoulder and took off.

Head Captain Yamamoto watched from the window and sighed. Always so reckless these children, he thought to himself. He did admire Renji for his fire if nothing else though, and wondered what exactly he had planned for Shuuhei.

* * *

"Mmmm," Shuuhei groaned at he gained consciousness.

"Uh yeah, I suck at healing so hopefully you feel ok," Renji said.

"What the fuck, Renji!" Shuuhei yelled at him. "You knocked me out? Wait…am I tied up too?"

"Well I didn't know how mad you would be and didn't want you to run away the second you woke up."

"Renji…" Shuuhei growled.

"I have all night, if you want to yell at me for awhile you can," Renji shrugged.

Shuuhei just glowered at him. "Fine, what do you want?"

"Do you know that all of those times that you showed up drunk and with the look of pain in your eyes, I thought I was helping you somehow? I never knew that I was the one causing it all," Renji said. "I thought you wanted to have a good time, not that you had just lost a struggle with yourself. You think that I wanted to use you all of these years?"

He actually sounds a little angry, Shuuhei thought to himself. "I don't see why it matters," he answered.

"Because you're my friend! You think I want to hurt my friends?"

"You said that you…" Shuuhei couldn't bring himself to repeat the words that Renji had used.

"That I love you," Renji said. "I do."

Shuuhei closed his eyes. "Stop saying that."

There was a long silence.

"Did it not work out with you and Rukia? Am I just your backup plan?" Shuuhei said bitterly.

"No it didn't work out! I didn't even say anything to her," Renji said. "It was like you've said in the past, I had made it into something that it wasn't and when I finally came face to face with the truth it was so simple that I couldn't believe that I had been blind for so many years."

"So why…how did you…" Shuuhei tried to form his question.

"Rangiku and Kira basically beat me over the head when I told them that I didn't love Rukia and was sad, and they were right," Renji said. "Do you remember that first day after we had sex?"

"Yes," of course he did.

"That whole night I had been trying to figure out what was going on. You were the first guy I'd ever been with, actually, you should probably know that you're the only guy I've ever been with," Renji said.

"What?" Shuuhei asked, surprised. "You didn't say anything…you've never said anything."

"Well I guess we both keep stupid secrets," Renji said. "I wasn't sure why someone like you would possibly be attracted to someone like me. People talked about you a lot too, I remember Kira thought that you were some sort of star or something. I knew that you had been bored out of your mind, upset about how things had turned out on the mission, about losing your friends, and the way that the Squad 4 staff was treating you with kid gloves. I had to wonder if you weren't just…working out a little pent up frustration or something."

"Renji that's not…"

"Then I came in and find those girls all over you, and you laughing and flirting with them, it kind of proved it to me," Renji continued. "It was ok though, I still really liked being with you, and obviously the sex aspect was incredible and something completely new to me. I figured if you wanted to be friends and just sometimes have sex it was definitely ok by me."

Shuuhei winced at that. He wondered what would have happened if he hadn't been so prideful at that moment. He hadn't wanted to open himself up to Renji and be hurt, so he had covered it all up with bravado. If he had just explained his feelings for Renji right then and there, what would have happened?

"It's my fault for never telling you," Shuuhei admitted. "You're right. I was just so scared of losing you as a friend as well that I couldn't do it. You were so hung up on Rukia too, it was better just to let things be."

"I'm not good at analyzing feelings," Renji said. "I mean, look at my relationship with Captain Kuchiki. For the longest time I thought that I wanted to beat him and to become better than him for Rukia. It wasn't until I actually fought against him that I realized that it's all for me. I want to become stronger than him because I view him as strong. He is a man that I respect, no matter how much I don't understand him all the time or how different we are."

Renji came close to Shuuhei, who still couldn't move because of his bindings. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked into his eyes. "When I knew that didn't love Rukia, I didn't know why I was ok with it. I was upset because I felt like I had wasted so much time, but I wasn't devastated. When Rangiku told me that you loved me, and had for a long time, I knew that it was because no matter what, you've always been there for me. You know what I felt when I was running over to your squad? Panic. Panic because I've been an idiot for a very long time and I wasn't sure that you'd forgive me for it. That's why you're tied up here, because you're not getting away until I've said and done everything that I want. Then if you still want to think I'm an asshole, that's fine."

Renji paused for a beat.

"No, it's not actually. If you still thought I was an asshole and tried to hide from me then I would still bother the hell out of you until you changed your mind," he continued.

"What make you think that I wouldn't want you?" Shuuhei said.

"Maybe the fact that you didn't come out and talk to me until I started to threaten your squad and the fact that you still haven't said directly that you have feelings for me. Maybe the fact that you still seem to think that maybe this is a joke or that I'm just sad about Rukia," Renji explained. "Maybe you just think I'm drunk. Maybe you're just a coward who won't face up to what he wants now that he can have it."

Shuuhei blanched at the last line. It was probably the most true of out all of the reasons. He had Renji had been in their odd relationship for a very long time now, and it had worked. Now matter how messed up it was, it was still something. Shuuhei was terrible with relationships in general, if he actually started a real one with Renji, wouldn't it just be like the others and crash and burn?

"Ha," Renji said. "That's it, isn't it?"

Shuuhei didn't answer.

"Listen, you know how stubborn I am," Renji said. "I'm not going to let things break down between us, ever."

"Renji, can you untie me? It's starting to get annoying," Shuuhei responded.

"Agree with me that we're dating first," argued Renji.

"Yes," Shuuhei said. "Yes, so you really need to let me go so I can at least kiss you."

"No," Renji said.

"What?" Shuuhei yelled.

"I think I have you in the perfect position and I'm not untying you. Besides, I'm just happy that I found a use for my four post bed," Renji smiled. Shuuhei was on his back, splayed out on the mattress with each of his limbs tied to a different corner of the bed.

"Renji!" Shuuhei said.

"I even remembered to put spiritual pressure cuffs on you so that you don't break my bed trying to get out."

"Why are you drawing your zanpakuto again?" Shuuhei asked, slightly wide-eyed.

"I forgot to take your clothes off before you woke up, so I'll just have to cut them off of you," Renji grinned.


	4. Torture

**Torture**

* * *

Shuuhei felt the hairs rise up on his arms and legs as Renji carefully cut away his clothing. He wanted to joke and tell Renji that he owed him a new uniform but he was both incredibly turned on and slightly worried that it would distract Renji and result in a knick, or worse.

Renji leered at Shuuhei's very prominent erection and looked up at Shuuhei's questioning gaze with sparkling eyes. "Now I'm going to torture you," he said.

Renji had been with Shuuhei a long time and had gotten to know his kinks very well. He still remembered how Shuuhei had just barely not just fucked him in front of everyone when during a picnic with a group of friends he had been playfully knocked into a lake. When he had come out dripping wet and looking fairly sad, while everyone else had been laughing, Shuuhei had been on him in a second, savagely kissing him. "Shuuhei?" Renji had whispered. Their friends, more than mostly drunk at this point anyways, just laughed. "Please, Renji," Shuuhei had begged, and dragged him off into some underbrush. That was when Renji found out that Shuuhei really, really liked him when he was wet.

"What is that?" Shuuhei tried to look over the side of the bed but was held back by his restraints. The thing he was trying to see was a long and wide wooden tub that Renji had recently picked up, something that was supposed to usually be used for doing large loads of laundry.

Renji stepped into the tub and then picked up the bucket of water he had placed next to the bed and dumped it over himself. Shuuhei gasped. Renji did too; the water had been colder than expected. Renji untied his hair, running his fingers through his wet tresses before slowly undressing himself down to just his fundoshi.

"Ok fine, Renji," Shuuhei said. "You made your point: you're sexy and I want you. Let me go now."

"Well, do you remember the other day when I tried to help you make dinner for everyone and totally failed at it?"

"Yes," Shuuhei answered, wondering what that had to do with anything.

"I broke one of the eggs on the ground and another on my arm, and it got me to thinking," Renji said. He pulled out a small basket of eggs.

"What…what are you planning on doing…"

Renji took one of the eggs and broke it, allowing it to hit his shoulder and then race down his stomach, leaving a long trail. It met with his fundoshi and mostly got absorbed, some more seeping down his leg. Shuuhei stared with utter fascination.

"What does that feel like?" he pleaded.

"Kind of cold, kind of slimy, sticky, wet," Renji said. He took another one, pleased with his experiment and the slightly desperate look that Shuuhei was getting in his eyes. He broke it over his chest this time.

"Renji, you know this would be a lot more fun if you let me help out," Shuuhei offered.

"Nope," Renji said, grabbing another egg. Shuuhei groaned.

When he had run out of eggs, Shuuhei had to admire the slight glaze that Renji now had around his body, as well as the marks of white as the eggs began to dry. He sighed as Renji picked up the second bucket of water and rinsed it all off, briefly toweling himself. Shuuhei definitely perked up when Renji took off his fundoshi and jumped up on the bed though.

"Mmm," Shuuhei said, leaning towards his now completely naked lover. Renji kept his distance though, straddling him but not getting close enough to touch. Shuuhei frowned.

"What? Did you think it was over?" Renji asked.

"Well, I was hoping that it was."

Renji leaned over and sloppily licked Shuuhei's neck.

"Renji?" Shuuhei questioned.

"Quiet, I just learned this and you'll love it," Renji said, picking up a pinch of salt that he had set on the nightstand and throwing onto the wet spot he just licked.

"Eggs and salt? Am I going to be cooked next?" Shuuhei joked, although he was panting. Renji didn't answer, though he did stuff a lime in Shuuhei's mouth, much to his surprise. "Mmpf?"

Renji then licked the salt off of Shuuhei's shoulder, drank a shot of conveniently located tequila, and removed the bit of lime from Shuuhei's mouth, making sure to slightly kiss him in the process. Shuuhei licked his lips at the tang. "What is that taste?"

"You can have some later, love," Renji answered.

Shuuhei blushed deeply. "Renji…" he began.

Renji was already busy with something else. Shuuhei flinched slightly as he felt whip cream being sprayed in a circle across his belly button.

"Now this one, this one Shuuhei, you're going to really enjoy," Renji said. He really didn't think it was supposed to be sake in this type of thing, but the idea of slowly sipping sake off of Shuuhei was too good to pass up. He took a glass and slowly poured it into the small reservoir that he had made with the whipped cream. He heard Shuuhei moaning behind him as he felt the liquid pool on his stomach.

Renji turned himself around while still remaining sprawled out over Shuuhei, knowing very well that this meant that he was dangling his very aroused and throbbed cock over Shuuhei's face. He laughed when Shuuhei cursed, making very sure that he was just barely far away that Shuuhei couldn't reach him. He slowly lapped at Shuuhei's belly, slurping down a small amount of the sake.

"Renji!" Shuuhei called out. "Oh god, Renji, you know I can't take this!"

Renji just smiled and kept very slowly doing what he was doing. He made sure to knead at the flesh around the belly button with his lips and allow his tongue to fully explore. He bobbed his head, knowing that it was rubbing suggestively into Shuuhei's penis.

"Renji!" Shuuhei begged him, only to feel a more pronounced movement, and Renji's hair slightly touching him, the tip of his penis hitting into Renji's head. "Renji, fucking touch me!" he demanded. "Fuck!" he yelled, as he finally lost control and came. Renji smiled to himself. He definitely knew where the sweet spots on his lover were. He finished his sake and turned to face Shuuhei. He still had some whip cream on his face, and now he had Shuuhei's cum in his hair, some slightly dripping down his forehead.

"Fuck, Renji," Shuuhei said, looking at it in exasperation and lust. "Please, let me do something about that," he begged.

Renji was very curious as to what Shuuhei would do but he wasn't done torturing Shuuhei yet. He knew that the orgasm that Shuuhei has just had wasn't at all what he wanted. He wanted full contact with his lover and until he had it he was going to be in agony.

"I think I'll take a shower instead," Renji said, still leaving Shuuhei tied up.

The bathroom was connected to the bedroom, having been a relatively new addition. Renji made sure to leave the bathroom door open for his final piece of torture. "Mmm," he said as he touched himself.

In the bedroom, Shuuhei heard him. "RENJI!" he yelled angrily. "Damn it, Renji! If there's anything you want done fucking come out here so I can do it to you!"

"MMMMM!" Renji moaned louder as he stroked himself.

"I HATE YOU RENJI!" Shuuhei yelled, and didn't stop cursing the entire time that Renji jacked off in the shower.

Renji finally came out, toweling off his hair, with a goofy grin on his face.

Shuuhei was pouting. Well, he was trying to pout, but it was hard when he was naked and also couldn't cross his arms, and also when he wasn't really the type of person to pout in general.

Renji undid Shuuhei's straps and found himself instantly pinned to the mattress. "Alright, I'm going to make you very sorry you ever came up with that idea," Shuuhei huskily.

"I hope so, it was a lot of planning," Renji answered.

* * *

"You still haven't said it," Renji said to Shuuhei as they held each other in the early morning.

"Said what?" Shuuhei played dumb.

"Asshole," Renji said, although his grabbing and holding Shuuhei closer told a different story than his words.

"Not here," Shuuhei said.

* * *

Renji was curious at to where they were going but he was content to follow because Shuuhei was holding his hand, something that he had never done before. He smiled when he saw the sign.

They snuck through the Squad 4 hospital fairly easily, finding an empty room in an empty wing.

Shuuhei ducked into a room and then quickly pulled Renji in after him, closing the door behind him.

"I love you, Renji," he said.

* * *

**Omake**

"Lieutenant Kotetsu!"

The girls jumped away, blushing furiously.

"What's wrong?"

"Lieutenant?" she heard someone call out to her from the room that the staff had been gathered around.

She looked in.

"Renji? Shuuhei?" Both men were as red as lobsters and using pillows and sheets to cover themselves; their very naked selves. She stared at them several long seconds before Renji spoke up.

"Our clothes seem to have disappeared," Renji said with an awkward laugh. "I don't suppose you can get them to us?"

"Any clothes really," Shuuhei pointed out.

From where she was at the door Isane could see the shelf where the nurses had carefully put the shinigami uniforms of the two lieutenants.

"Nonsense!" she said. "I'm sure you want your actual uniforms back. I'll go and look for them, it shouldn't take long at all!"

She left to go get Kiyone.


End file.
